I hate myself for what I have become.
After 18 years of formal education, I have reached no where. Achieved nothing. The myth has broken. The silence has spoken. I have been living in a closed room. The doors have opened and I find myself left behind… far behind the world. I see no space for me. I’d rather go back to my room than going and fighting for space in a place that is so different from my dreams.. so close to reality.
I have lived in the cultural diversity of India. I have learned the differences. I love to introspect. I love to study human behavior, the very minute differences that differentiate people. I realize the troughs and crests of any relationship. I know what keeps them going and what separates. I believed I could walk through any valley. What I dreamt turns out be a nightmare.
Jealousy has taken over humbleness. It was something that was buried long long years ago or probably it never prevailed in me. Now, it suddenly spurts out of nowhere. insidious jokes, subtle humor also hurts. I take the very obvious things otherwise. And it happens regularly. I realize that for any relationship to flourish, it needs space to flex muscles. It needs freedom. Taut strings always snap. and broken knees are always easier to mend than broken hearts.
I think my education has taken me nowhere. I still am an orthodox, conservative, backward and psychic .
I think I am an educated fool.